Secessione

 In Kazakistan

Cosa si può dire quando ti ritrovi abbandonato nella steppa “in attesa di ordini”, ordini che se disattendi non vedi il becco di un quattrino e quindi resti stanziale, incompreso, che il russo non lo digeriscono, l’inglese non si sa neanche cosa sia, il ceco non parliamone, francese nammerda e invece, stupore degli stupori, ho trascorso una raffinatissima e colta serata con un camionista di Carpi arrapato come un bonobo ed incazzato come un cobra poiché, zoologicamente parlando, non riusciva a infilarsi dentro nessuna Kazaka che, va detto, sono sì delle grandissime fighe, ma sono no delle grandissime puttane e i bordelli non sono per nulla invitanti, tantomeno rassicuranti.

Vi è da dire che quando riuscirò fisicamente a incontrare il Costa gli darò uno di quegli abbraccioni fortissimi fortissimi che neanche vi immaginate, così, per ringraziarlo di questo inatteso ritardo che mi ha dato l’opportunità di allargare la mia già sconfinata cultura visitando musei della secessione, gallerie della secessione, conoscendo i nomi di eroi della secessione ed appassionandomi persino alle gare di scarafaggi che qua vanno un casino e sono proprio carine.

La ragazza che mi fa le pulizie al piano mi fa gli occhi dolci, ma ha la fede, è sposata, ossia da qualche parte vegeta nella vodka un kazako pronto a massacrarmi. Voi lo vorreste un kazako così per amico? Io no, anche se la tipa è carina e non porta le calze nonostante ci siano giù setttantaquattromila gradi sottozero, ma questo significa che basterebbe carciofarla per assaggiare sapore di fica che me lo sono bello che dimenticato, ma poi il kazako, la vodka, le amputazioni, passo la mano, tornerò, no? Oppure no?

Però poi mi basta pensare alle sue dita dei piedi (normalissime) che mi arrapo come un Tàtaro e mi piallo anche tre seghe consecutive. D’altra parte cosa c’è da fare qui? Tirarsi un convoglio di seghe pensando a qualsiasi femmina si veda nel circondario.
Ma io “attendo ordini” da Frà Costa che non vedo l’ora di abbracciare così forte da fargli schizzare le caccole dal naso e il cerume dalle orecchie.

Bello qui, però.
Si mangia dimmerda, ma il resto è anche peggio.
Viva la secessione.

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